#thingsihate

..I'm one of those pathetic girls

#thingsihate

Having to decide what to wear before an event and realising an inevitable outfit repeat is required.

all my life

This insecurity has been harvested into my mind like a mine for as long as I can recall. And like a mine, there have been no major effects to date - until recently triggered. Despite carrying this with me everywhere, I suppose I have always forced myself to overlook what was so clear and I chose to ignore the signs and messages that people were sending me. The process of burying this shame as deep as possible began when I had decided none of that silliness mattered since I had people who loved me and I had learned to laugh off any sort of hurtful criticism. I guess I had manufactured that as my go-to defense mechanism.

I have always considered myself as a simple-minded, problem free person. I am always quite content with life. But I can't hide from this anymore - not when I know how hard it will hit me when another mine blows. Before last night, I believed "boy troubles" sat at the peak of possible heartaches - how unfortunately mistaken I was. Over the years, I had educated myself with a process concerning how to deal with heartache (regarding the male species); but this growing monster inside me is nothing of the sort, and I honestly have no experience in dealing with this kind of pain. What am I going to do ?

absence of thanksgiving

Too often we take everything life offers for granted. For the first time since I can remember, I can truthfully say I could not be happier with where I stand in life at the moment. I have suffered countless roadblocks, and I will admit it was somewhat my own fault for not overcoming - much less work around - these obstacles*. Looking back with hindsight, the arrival of this point could have been flawlessly achieved had I not let my mind linger on past experiences and subsequently create future scenarios.

Nevertheless, it has been a learning experience and I finally know the silly things that stand between me and happiness.

*Disclaimer - I can't say I have suffered any "real" problems to date.

vce

You have provided me with some legit struggles these two years, but minimal stress was achieved in the end. Still, I am content.

#thingsihate

People who only talk to you when they are bored or have nothing else "better" to do.

Don't bother talking to me if you're preoccupied - half-arsed conversations are irrelevant.

this is really awkward

I don't know how to bring it up with you, and at the same time I don't particularly want to discuss it either. I'm hoping it comes naturally. Blast over-analyzing. Hmphh

untitled

I probably shouldn't be blogging right now, my body is exhausted beyond, but I have so many thoughts on my mind. As pathetic and cheesy as this sounds, I have never been this content in so long. The presence of a dark feeling has forever lingered but I can honestly say it may really have evaporated. We were like a polar and non-polar substance - destined to never mix properly. But I have finally found myself a like substance; we can share covalent bonds ;)

today

These things usually scare me and my standard response is to bail and run back to someone else. But this is different. You make me so happy, really.