Tuesday, January 29, 2013

that's not me

I hate the person I'm slowly becoming.  I am constantly  harvesting an empty feeling inside me and I attempt to mask this by wearing my body out with alcohol, clubs, and the attention of insignificant males.  I awake at the end of each weekend in a pool of regret, self pity and shame.  My insides scream for mercy after what I put it through and  my external showcases nothing less of bruises and zombie-like traits.  

I am beginning to throw away all my values and strangling my mind with continuous torment.  These darks thoughts are reaching a shallow surface and a drastic change needs to be in motion to drown them back down.  Is this the person I am when I'm not with you ?  Or have I always wanted this and you were just a temporary door-stopper to extend my innocence ?