#whatineedrightnow

• to visit Central Park
• sunnier mornings
• to breathe
• to rationalise
• and stop making excuses for people
• to escape

#thingstolookforwardto

• getting a tan
• receiving my ASOS order
• more piercings !
• finishing semester 2
• road trip with the chem crew

finally sinking in

I'm embarrassed to say how long this has taken.  How long and what it took for you to show your true colours.  I chose to ignore and doubted what all my closest family and friends were telling me.  

"He's a dick" 

"He can't be trusted" 

"He only wants one thing from you"

"He's a sneaky cunt"

"You can't be friends"

"You're only going to get hurt in the end, there's no point falling back into that trap"

"Fine, go and see him, you need to get hurt to learn"

You were all right.  Thankfully, I was not hurt in the process, but I've gained a wider understanding of who he is.  Hopefully this new-found information will fuel my strength and stay away for good. I don't need you.  I don't know why I ever thought to keep you in my life.  There was never any considerable net-gain.  I loathe the fact that you were the person I ran to in the midst of loneliness and at times, boredom.  But I've learnt my lesson, and I'm not afraid to cut our ties - which should have been done years ago.  You were the dark hole that too often sucked me in, and you can be sure that I'm never coming back to you.  Ever.

spring

I'm exhausted.  I feel like shit every day.  Constantly holding on to my breath, deep sighs, lost in an abyss of thought.  But a new season has rolled over and I'm anticipating flowers;  and sunny mornings, and more colour on my skin.  Spring is going to bring me hope.  I need to slap out of whatever I'm currently stuck in.  It's going to be a slow process, but I'm determined that this year will be the year I feel good about myself.  There is no reason not to.  I'm going to try so hard to destroy this void inside me.