three quarters of the way

I'm almost there; I don't think I've ever been so frightened in my life.

it's growing

You make me all tingly inside. Good things never last for me, what if I finally give in and get owned ?

untitled

Wish I was back in France right now.

too real

I'm exploring this pathway blind and I'm so scared. The last time I gave myself up completely resulted poorly and I don't think I'm prepared to sacrifice another four years of my life. I just need time.

im afraid i may not be strong enough to handle this

I want to scream at you, I want to fuck you up so hard, you can no longer function on this earth. The amount of pain and heartache you have evoked. I know they say ignorance is bliss, but fuck you - if murder wasn't a crime I would run a stake through you myself and chop you into several, indistinguishable pieces. This is all so surreal, it is the shit I witness in TV shows, I shouldn't have to experience it myself.

My mind has been on overdrive this past week and these dark thoughts will only grow stronger. I feel like this lump in my throat will never go away and I'm in a constant battle with myself to pull it together; there is no use in breaking down.

Two weeks ago, you were my biggest problem on hand. Put in perspective, they were so petty and pathetic. I couldn't give two fucks less now, I have much more significant things to cloud my mind with. I want so badly to talk about this with you, but I know better than to burden you. I'm trying my hardest to remain strong but I fear bitterness is the price I'm paying in order to hold this emotional fort.

mixed feelings

There are good days, and then there are bad days. I'm afraid the contents of my dreams are a message my subconscious is sending me. Or maybe I'm just run down and my mind is resorting to old habits. It freaks me out knowing that there is a small vault in my memory bank that is slowly leaking scenarios which I would much prefer to keep caged. It breaks my heart to think that ...

hey you

I really really like you :) ..but you should already know that

just between you and me

I know it was wrong, but I don't regret doing it. I feel like I'm a completely different person since we met and I like to be reassured that I haven't changed that much. Regardless, it was nice talking.