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I don't believe those words you say to me.

#thingsihate

..myself

#thingsiregret

• everything
• except you

C

Thank you so so much for that chat lovely, you've made me feel a hundred times better.  I know I'm always doubting myself and my actions, but discussing these things with you makes me feel normal again.  I never have to worry about you judging me, and I know I can trust you with everything.  You have not the slightest clue how much I miss you, how much I miss seeing you every single day, and how I long the days when I could simply run up to you with a #whitegalproblem and we'd chat in depth about it.  You always understood the way my mind functions, despite how silly most of the things that come out of my mouth sound.  I haven't let myself fathom how different it will be (even more) with you gone for months.  You're just ah-mah-zing, and I love you for that :)

without fail

Something bad always happens to me.  I'm just waiting for the bullet to hit me already.  The anticipation is killing me.  

C

I don't actually think you understand how much I need you.  Like I know I can be somewhat hard to handle sometimes, but you mean so much to me.  I'm not a naturally affectionate person so I find it difficult to outwardly display my emotions, but just know that you are constantly on my mind.  I hate the fact that I, amongst a bunch of other people, cannot help but dissect every little situation in my head and over-analysing is a by-product of it all.  I definitely wouldn't classify myself as a dependant person, but you need to be here.

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A fat FUCK YOU to you.

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One day, its just not going to be enough.  What are we going to do then ?