august

Things are pretty shit, but living here at my aunt's has put a lot into perspective for me.  I have a bottomless pit if #whitegalproblems, and I just need to sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up.  There are worse things happening.  But I have finally reached fulfilment - I can honestly say I don't have any petty complaints at this moment.  Things are looking up and I'm enjoying all my surroundings.  It has seriously taken a while, and a large chunk of this year has been pretty poor, but perhaps I've roughed the storm and only lovely things will come now.

*I learned to dodge your bullet that you had so often targeted me with in the past.

you're not

It's coming to a point where it's just not enough.  I find myself constantly making excuses to myself for you and I'm so tired of waiting; waiting for change.   There will be a small window of change that occurs but then shortly, I'm brought back to reality.  I'm hopeful, but hope will only get us so far.  And I'm afraid of what may happen when I tire out.  My mind is exhausted from overthinking every single day.  I lie awake in bed, my mind jumping from one thought to another, and it all goes downhill from there.  I'm sick of it, I don't need anything else fuelling my negative thoughts.  I can't keep going on like this.