free me

I honestly don't know what is it about you that holds this force I cannot pull away from. There are so many guys better than you in countless ways, but why can't I let you go ? That's the question I've been asking myself for 3 years now. Thinking of you only makes me feel more pathetic and worthless. I find myself in a self-loathing state every night since you decided to give me the cold shoulder. I thought we were making progress but obviously I've done something to make you shut me out. At the moment, if I could have one wish, it would be to erase you from my memory. I would return to the impressionable, naive girl that I was in Year 8. You've turned me into someone I hate - someone that is so cynical about relationships, she thinks they will all crumble into pieces - mirroring the state of my heart.

I feel so stupid and I get so incredibly angry at myself when I end up crying myself to sleep because my head is telling me you're not worth one drop of my tears. My heart and mind are in a constant battle with each other, waiting for a sign to wave the white flag. I guess you caught me at my most impressionable stage, so my vision of a relationship has been shaped by you. That is hardly correct. If I hadn't met you - I can't even finish that sentence.

I wish you would sink into the abyss of my heart. Only you were capable of creating such a gap in my soul - I hope you're pleased. I continually find myself falling into the trap of pondering "what if.." There are so many pathways and possibilities that I cannot even begin to fathom. Is this the person I have become? Someone that holds onto the past and envisions a dark future? I consider myself to be a reasonably optimistic person - yet when it comes to this area of discussion, I feel like my eyes have turned red, my heart resembles a lump of coal, and my body stiffens.

You've made this week unbearable for me, but I cannot put this blame only on you. It's my fault for being so ill-fated. You're going to be the death of my VCE and that is the last thing I want. I'm not going to force anything upon you and I have not a clue what you are thinking, but I really need you to let me go once and for all.

hellcats

I thought this show would be generic and completely "teeny-boppery", but watching it has forced me to access thoughts that I wished wouldn't surface. There are so many things that I would rather forget, much less ignore. I hoped this year would entail hardcore study without distractions of the opposite sex, but my mind cannot help but gravitate towards these painful desires.
Yes, that does sound melodramatic, but I will tell you now that my heart is physically hurting after watching that episode.
So tell me now -- am I being silly ?

lui

You're my biggest emotional landmine. I heard that when you break up with someone, the amount of time it takes to get over them is half the amount of time you were together.
Therefore, by theory, we must have been together for 6+ years.
That, or I'm simply a pathetic, emotional wreck.

distraught

I'm not exactly sure why, but it's boggled my mind all day. It wasn't anything special or worth telling - but it definitely affected me in some way that I seriously cannot describe right at this moment. At least for today.