untitled

I don't know why, but when you told me that, my stomach dropped.

Okay that was a lie. I know why. You know I would drop everything for you, though I hate that I'm this way.

sorry

I don't actually know how I'm feeling right at this moment. It's my fault and I kind of really just want to have figured it all out by now.

untitled

I thought that if I didn't think about it too much, it wouldn't get to me. But the reality is surfacing and it scares me so much. Please don't leave us just yet.

untitled

sighsighsigh

just, wow

Why are you doing this to me?

seventeen

I had such a delight filled day today. Everyone was so lovely and they just made me feel really special and important, even just for that one day of the year. My day was packed with laughs from the moment I walked into school this morning, til the skype sesh with the skype krew (SK) and guest Chaz. Right at this moment, I couldn't ask for anyone else as friends because the ones I have bonded with this year are amazing. That cards and gifts that I received were wonderful and it just makes me realise how much they really know me.

Butch Pope, reading your card today actually made me pee a little. Nah I'm only kidding haha, as believable as that sounds, I really am just joking. I forget how many memories we've created together these past three years, and I think you know me the best out of everyone. Through better or worse, *laugh out loud*. I think you're the person that I can honestly say I haven't held anything back from, and what you experience now is everything you'll get.
I just love you to bits :)

Once again, I thank everyone for making this day so memorable for me, and I really could not ask for better people to spend it with.

merci

love life

Today may have been one of the most amazing days ever. I spent my early 17th birthday with my family and I don't think I've ever felt so connected with them. I guess I don't realise that not everyone has the privilege of such a close knit family where we all know each other so well and we could all be considered one big "immediate" family. I forget that we were once young infants, playing together in one massive house where we all lived together. Riding down to the creek, playing hide and seek, making messy smoothies, and gaming on the super nintendo. Thinking back now they all seem like such distant memories. It kinda makes me sad to know that it's all in the past and we've all grown up into teenagers and young adults. But I am glad that we have all remained close and not drifting apart as many people do when they grow up. That makes me happy.

Lau-Huang-Li

viva glam gaga

On a lighter note, I have to admit one of the things that made this day so great for me is that I am now a proud owner of my very first MAC product. I never thought I'd get hold of one, but my oh so generous cousin has bought me one for my birthday. I was overwhelmed with happiness and forever grateful. This may seem a tad dramatic but I just love how well my whole family knows me. There are definitely people who don't have such a blessed family. I grant this lovely gift of a family on everyone and wish that we can all experience such love.

I hope we never change because I can't imagine life without you guys

they're episodic

Have you ever felt pure joy? If I had to describe it using words, it'll be:
a stabbing sensation that exhibits pressure in the center of your heart.
Yeah, that sounds right. And they're not just things like "getting an A+ on a test" or "buying a new pair of heels". In my experience, it is that split second where you're glad you've made all those mistakes and faced troubles in your life, because at that moment, there's nowhere else you'd rather be. Without screaming or scribbling crazily on a piece of paper, this feeling is undoubtedly too hard to express more in words.

I know by writing this now, I have probably jinxed myself. But luckily for me, I have experienced this great feeling of happiness thrice(if that's a word) this week. Three days in a row. If I remember correctly, I think most of my encounters with this alien emotion is with family. I can only speak for myself, but I believe these moments do not come very often for me. Yes, I admit I am naturally a happy person already and I love it, but this emotion is simply too pure and too precious.

Personally, when I'm in the midst of these occurrences, I find myself stopping to think back at everything bad, and forgetting it all, even for just that small amount of stolen time. I really wish for everyone this privilege and amazing experience. To be honest, I would leave all my materialistic things just to make sure I never lose the ability to feel like that.


please don't take these moments for granted

y=mx+

Shut the fuck up. Seriously.

now or never

I know I've been confused and hesitant for a while. But I'm sure now. So what are you going to do about it?

crash and burn

I did it again. Surprise ! You made me think about you when I was going so well in doing quite the contrary. Am I ever going to escape your existence; and will my brain - and more so heart - have anymore energy for you?


the idea that you've drained me of affection scares me to death

cry about it, why don't you?

I could probably name a thousand things that are stressing me out right at this moment. The trick is to not think about it for too long, or else you'll double or even triple that stress level. You just need to preoccupy yourself with other tasks in order for your mind to tip-toe around the mine field of stress bombs that could blow up in one slight but incorrect movement. It could be a glance at a book on your desk, or talking to the wrong person that could spark the thought. So many things around you that you don't take notice of, yet your brain - or perhaps heart - is meticulously protecting you from. It's almost 2am, I have work at 9 tomorrow and it's likely that everything I have just written is a load of bullshit. But for once I'm going to face it all, one at a time, without complaining.

..even if it means I have to return to shore where reality exists.

an area with a high density of trees

I think I've finally put you behind in my life. It's great, really. Now I just need to focus on preventing the mistakes I make everytime:
1. Don't think about you.
2. Don't text you.
3. Stop contemplating what "could have"
4. Erase you away from my life once and for all


I think I might be finally free from you, free from everything you've done to me.

he's tall, and he's my homie

Last night was odd, but I enjoyed myself. It made me realise so much and I'm glad I didn't go through. Makes me feel alot better at least. And the talk afterwards calmed my nerves and made me appreciate you to a greater extent. Where would I be without you brother? Thanks for being awesome :)

let it rain, let it pour

I am just not cut out for this or you. What am I going to do tonight?

hold on

I don't even know how I feel about anyone anymore. Help me figure this out, please?

you're not a piece of meat but

I want you, but I know I can't have you.

wrench

I kinda miss you to a large extent and it's starting to hurt. I shan't go into detail..

i actually love you

I'm just so tired. Tired of trying to make this work and pretend nothing is wrong. That we're just in this faze and it'll be fine next week. But for the amount of time I've held on to this opinion, it's clear to me that that's not that case. I'm sick of having to always come running to you, to make sure I don't lose you in my life. But why am I the only one putting effort in? It's evident that this friendship does not score high on your priority list. I just don't think I can handle this constant negativity you seem to have towards me. Not quite sure what I've done wrong. I'm sorry my mere existence is not as important to you as yours is to me. I am officially throwing in the towel.

you have not the slightest idea how much I long for this

arthur and ariadne

"Quick, give me a kiss."
"They're still looking at us."
"Yeah, it was worth a shot."

some friday night

All I can say is wow. How did that just happen?

untitled

This is probably not a good idea. So stop it.

thob-throb-throb

My head hurts a lot. And my ears, and eyes, and throat. Bring me a cure now, please :)

dormir

I think I might have fallen inlove with sleep. It keeps my mind from going 200km/h through each thought, so I can rest my poor mind. Despite the subtle hints that seep through my dreams each night, its not enough to evoke any action from myself. Can't I just sleep forever and ever, never to have to wake up and deal with any of this shit. Like a pause in Super Mario, because my batteries are seriously about to die out.
*Replacement is optional.

it lived up

Last night was okay. Can't really say much about it. Do you?

things

There are things I would love to express on here that I probably cannot as there are people I know who will read this and ask me "what is it????"
I don't know anything at the moment, I just want to put this out there that I am currently confused beyond, and the quicker I get out of this rut, the better. Please do not ask me. This never happened.

♥

Please please pleaaase stay with us.

sorry it's not mutual love

Derek less than three's the rain, though I can't say the rain feels the same about you :P

you

Why do all my feelings of deep sadness always relate back to you? When I think we'd never be back to the way we were, you give me a call. When I finally think you're out of my life, you visit me in my dreams. I would like to say that I want you to leave me alone, but you know I'd just be lying. I ignore so many things that sweep past me as I am clearly still focused on you. Have you really broken me?

june

Dear Exams,
BRING THIS SHIT ONNNNNNNNNNNN !
x

stateless

I think I might’ve inhaled you, I could feel you behind my eyes. You gotten into my bloodstream, I could feel you floating in me.

General Adaptation Syndrome

My body is so incredibly stressed at this moment. I have only just realised it, and it is definitely taking it's physical toll on me. Probably why everyone in the year level is sick; they're all in the resistance stage and soon, we're all going to be exhausted with our immune systems at its weakest. There is so much to study for yet the only thing I should focus on is Psychology. How I long to be free. Free from all the worry and second guessing. Release me -
..now, please.

sette

Oh Chemistry, how you make my life so much harder.

pharmaceuticals

I remember getting lost in Richmond when I was really young. I was meant to be holding on to the mother very tightly. But I guess I'd gotten distracted with something more interesting.
I remember how a man had asked me to follow him, and I did. And he'd led me into his pharmacy. He's offered me some "yellow cake" and I was happily eating it on a stool that I sat on.
I remember mom running in frantically, so relieved that I was safe.
I vaguely remember her eyes being damp, from tears I figure now.
I remember how innocent I used to be, but now look at me.

Thinking back on that instant, I can see why she's so worried about me all the time.

12:42 11/5/10

I will never feel this much pain and guilt in my life.

hayley williams

Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now

10 things i hate about you

KAT
I hate the way you talk to me
And the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car.
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots
And the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick.
It even makes me rhyme.

She pauses, then continues.


KAT
(continuing)
I hate it...
I hate the way you're always right.
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh;
Even worse when you make me cry.

She begins to cry as she continues to read.

KAT
(continuing)
I hate it when you're not around
And the fact that you didn't call,
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you;
Not even close;
Not even a little bit;
Not even at all.

She looks directly at Patrick. He looks back this time, morose,
thoughtful.

Then she walks out of the room The rest of the class remains
in stunned silence.


This scene was heart wrenching.

teatime

Why can't life be this simplistic? So that everything is logical and makes sense. With no decision to make, nothing to make you feel mind boggled,
..all the time

emilyandthomas

"What do you do if someone you love lets you down? Really fucks you over?"
"You must try to stop loving them."
"Is that possible?"
"No."

-skins;

persuasion

I could write a love story and convince every single reader that I know what I'm talking about.

But the truth is when it comes to love, nobody knows what they are talking about.

gamble

Try it yourself
..although in that split second, you may uncover completely different hopes than what you'd expected initially

Claire

NICEEEEEE !

Claire

HEY !

mr.m

Now that the "finding a date to the formal" dilemma has been fixed, I can stress less.

although there are still a few patches to sew up

350|intoxication

and that's how i felt last night..

This whole day I have been thinking back to that night. What exactly happened? How did I get from seeing you when I walked in, thinking all the pretty girls would be all over you the whole night - to actually talking to you properly and finding out you're an amaaazing guy. Words cannot begin to describe how splendid the night was for me. I obviously cannot speak for others.

I just love how people can surprise you in such a manner. It's such a delight to meet new people and for a split second, you have hope of forgetting all your troubles. That is exactly what I needed. Something to take my mind off things, and you provided just that for me. But I guess every high must have a low, and the moment where it all comes crashing down again is now. I think it's time for farewell, it was nice meeting you..

la mere

Oh mother bear, how I do love you. I know it does not always show through my actions, but please know that you're my most favourite person on this planet, and I adore you to bits ! I know it's rather late to be choosing New Year's Resolutions, but if this counts as a "Almost Half Year Resolution", I will:
Be as grateful as I possibly can towards you and respect everything you choose for me
No words can describe how lucky I am to have you as a mother.
Mom, I love you :)

short of breath

You evoke so much anger in me that I cannot contain it. It makes my hands tremble and my heart race. It's so hard to be civilised with you because seeing you makes me feel sick.
I ask Him this: why are we related?

caught in a moment

When you flick through photos and cannot find a single one filled with pure happiness with a beloved, that's when you should start to worry. Because the truth is, you can't fake love. And despite how hard you try to capture it through a lens, the only person to be pondering the reality of it is yourself.

cw

And you make my heart race like crazy.

cw

Turns out I like you more than I thought I did,
..or want to.

get over yourself

I absolutely cannot complain. I feel like I'm in the worst position possible when there are people out there that have heart wrenching thoughts and occurrences - ten thousand times worse than I could possibly imagine, or begin to imagine. You've got it swell, not everything is about you.

sarah

Why should I even care?

john lasseter

Toy Story is actually brilliant.












Who can't wait for Toy Story 3? Moi :)

le f0rest?

And it hurts so much to even think about you. To look back at how happy we were - well, I can only speak for myself - and the position I've ended up now. I cannot even begin to imagine how differently it'd be if I hadn't met you, and wasted three years of my life. You've ruined so many things for me, and changed the way I approach and analyse things. I want to say I hate you, but then I'd be lying to myself, because I really don't. And I wouldn't be able to bring myself to hating you. Because you mean that much to me, despite the amount of angst and grief you had placed upon me.
I thank you, just for doing that much to me.

And although I feel this way, I just hate how we've drifted apart so much. We used to be so close.. what happened?

ticktick

I miss those days when the only thing that could upset me overnight is when I accidentally wore a watch into the shower, and of course it'd gotten wet, so it stopped working. Yes, those were the types of things that worried me. But now, I can only wish that little things like that were the only concerns fluttering in my mind. Sometimes I just wish I could go back to when I was younger. When all I did everyday was ride my bike out to the creek with my cousins. With our little "formation" of bikes. I fear the day when my memories of those adventures cease, because from what I see at the moment, everything inside my head consists of a problem.

"How do I do this?" - "Why isn't this how I wanted it to be?" - "What is wrong with me?" - "When am I going to get this done?" - "Can I actually be committed to that?"

This is all very juvenile and pathetic, I'm aware. Although I just really want a moment everyday where I can be in pure happiness - like when I was younger - and be omitted from any worry; any. Just for one second.

dixon

Its funny how guys don't hold grudges, but girls do.
When two guys are in a fist fight they can be best friends afterwards.
Yet when two girls have a small dispute, they're bitches to each other for the following weeks/months. And even if they "resolve" it and apologise, they both secretly dislike each other.

I am no so over those negative feelings and thoughts of people who have wronged me in one way or another;
life's too short to hold grudges :)

wishful thinking

And hanging onto hope,
It may make you feel better.
..But it just makes me feel alone.
Because once you realise you're back in reality, your world is shaken up.
And if you're lucky - just if - you won't be torn apart.
You're pushed onto the ground, wondering if you'll ever pick yourself up again.
Why you'd even thought you could suppress your emotions. If it was really over in your head for you, and when the monster had latched his claws back in.

Please, tell me then, if your heart is still in one piece.

cw

So there's a boy.
What should I do?

jae ngyuen

This post is dedicated to my home girl, Jennifer Nguyen :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ! You're finaaaaaly sixteen, does it feel any different for you? Cause I know it didn't at all for me. Actually, you can get your Ls, but thats about it. OH and have sex. Let's not forget about that :P
I've also just realised its been exactly one year since my employment at KFC.
See how significant your day is, its co-related with my kfc day.
BAHAHAH, I know how special that must make you feel, I know it makes me feel super-duper special :D


Let's not forget ol' Colonel Harland Sanders

But yes, I hope you've had yourself a delightful day. Despite the fact you're deprived of my presence. I know how sad that must make you feel. Don't worry, you've always got that "thumb" photo to stare at. LOL


I FUCKING LOVE YOU KID !

mountaineers

They reach the top, plant their flag and smile to the camera. Face filled with joy like there was nothing hard to overcome. Why would they take photos along the way, displaying the struggle and strife? That's what I see a lot. So many happy people that seem like they've got the easiest life, yet I have no clue as to what they've had to face.

Realisation: everyone undergoes difficulties despite what is displayed outwardly.

And soon, hopefully, you'll be at their position.

kleenex

I actually have no idea why I've been so emotional lately. Like someone will do something fractional to upset me, and i will feel that lump in my throat. And then the tears will follow shortly. And they're just little things in the house or minor disputes that will evoke this.

Weird?



Now if only I had that. That would erase anything I was feeling that lacked rainbows and butterflies.

NUTELLA really does cure everything :)

why can't i

It was so unexpected. The moment I heard the mention of your name my heart had started pounding. I like to think that I have no idea why it'd started racing, but to be honest, I know exactly why. I guess all this time I thought it was all over. It could never be. It would never be. So why has this doomed desire been lingering amongst my thoughts? I guess it was never really over in my head; I'd blurred the line between wishful thinking and reality.

Reality. It can be such a bitch sometimes. The next thing I'm going to talk about is a reference to a scene in 500 Days Of Summer. It showcases the typically experienced reality vs. expectations situation. Where your expectations - no matter how hard you wish - never fall parallel to reality. ...well for me at least.

So I guess after countless plans that have panned out to be a reality vs. expectation event, I have come to the conclusion to never expect anything. Or anything of anyone in this case. Because if you continue to rely your happiness to unfold accordingly to your expectations, you're only getting your heart torn apart - bit, by bit. If it hasn't already been ripped out, that is.

procrastination

proʊˈkræs təˌneɪt - The act of postponing, delaying or putting off, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness


Pretty much the source and fuel to my procrastination.
Its funny because I will find myself sitting here at the computer around 8pm. "Alright, I'll just check out facebook and youtube for five minutes and then I'll hit the books."
*looks down at time*
10.30pm. Great.

So yes, I have created a study schedule - but have I followed it accordingly?
Can't say I have to be honest.
With that in mind, I have planned to get up at 6.30am EVERY morning.
Be out the house by 7.10am.
Get to school before 8 so I can get some solid studying down.

Let's all hope I actually follow this plan from now on. Although I can already see Winter hitting Melbourne in June (when i assume exams will commence for Semester One) and at 6.31am, I will be in bed; dreading the contact between my skin and the freezing atmosphere.

cee-blains

Claire Blainey.
Yes she is quite the quirky petite fille, but at the end of the day I tell myself,
"HANG IN THERE FREDA, YOU'RE ONLY NICE TO HER CAUSE SHE HAS NO FRIENDS !"
I'm jokinggggg claire !
You know I love you (L)

...despite how tall you are :P

plan

The work ethic I can only hope to achieve this year:

4:00-5:30 ~ Free Time/ Binge Eat/ Shower

From this point, No Facebook, No MSN, No episode of ANYTHING

5:30-7:30 ~ Study Time
7:30-8:30 ~ Dinner Time/ Free Time
8:30-10:30 ~ Study Time
10:30-- ~ FREE TIME !! (Yes, I can finally social network)
:)

heart throb

ZOMGOSH !
Joseph Vincent is my newest discovery. Well actually a friend showed me his cover of "Replay" -IYAZ and I am actually inlove. Can he be anymore cuter?
Check him out yourself :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPoWV6wOggE

the dance

Weary and worn
Little monster is born
Tell me lies and I'll justify them
I'm desperate today and it's making me pay
For that night, for that kiss, for your bed

Oh why (why)
Can't (can't)
You take me in your arms now?
Why (why)
Can't (can't)
You take me?
Why (why)
Can't (can't)
You take me in your arms now?
Why (why)
Can't (can't)
You take me?

the element of freedom

Un-thinkable (I'm Ready) - Alicia Keys
That's How Strong My Love Is - Alicia Keys

Go listen to those, they're amaaaaazing :)

hubba bubba

Competition --Freda vs. Matt


Aim:
To finish the whole roll of gum in one sitting without taking it out of the mouth once.

Equipment:
> 1 180cm roll of Seriously Strawberry Hubba Bubba
> 1 180cm roll of Groovy Grape Hubba Bubba
> 2 mouths

Method:
1. Open the container of gum.
2. Rip a desired amount and insert into mouth.
3. Chew and chew and chew and chew.
4. Repeat steps 2 and 3 until the whole roll has been chewed :)

Discussion:
Matt kind of gave up in the middle complaining "it's such a waste". So he threw out half of the roll that he'd already consumed and placed what was left straight into his mouth. Photos and videos were taken, and first aid procedures were discussed as a means to prevent choking. I was ambitiously continuing the chewing while we decided to go out into the yard and burn Matt's gum.

Then after we got bored of doing that, we decided to make a mini "campfire" consisting of matches and toothpicks and any other stick/wood that we'd found in the yard. Bug flew on my face, screamed, ran back into the house. End of yard adventures.

Conclusion:
Freda>Matt
--WINNERRRRR, chyeahhhh :)

ambition

"If you had to choose. Surgery or Love? You'd pick surgery."

kfc

Oh my fucking gosh.
Fussy customers who need to calm the fuck down.
Your burger does not actually get cold after ten fucking seconds okay?
You wanted salt on your chips - cool. "There's too much salt now, put fresh ones down"
FUCK YOU ! :)

australian open 'ohten

Fun day.
Fat Day.
Non-stop eating. Cool :)
Pretty sure I've burnt the whole "gourmet sausage" off from all the walking done today.



Tram bitches who need to get over the fact they have a shit job with shit pay.
General bitches who need to pull the stick out of their arse.
Antisocial boys who need to be less antisocial. Ha

Scavenger hunt for freebies?
Yes pleaseeee :)
1. ANZ electric fan
2. MLC "cooler neck thing"
3. Optus viser
4. Optus pull-out banner
5. Cussons shower gel
6. Express Post wristband

Missed out on:
1. Williams inflatable hand
2. ANZ Piggy Bank

All in all, it was a great outing that ended on a happy note:
OREO McFLURRIES !!