constant headache

I have been overwhelmed with exhaustion this past month - both physically and emotionally.  I hate the person that I am when I turn to vent on this blog.  I'm sorry that this place only receives me at my most bitter and worst.  Trust me, I am usually a much happier person.  But there is a certain extent that the people around me can handle before they are sick of everything I say to them.  I love you all for being so understanding and supportive but you guys honestly haven't heard the half of it.  The worst I keep inside me and I can't even bring myself to type it out here for you.  

I don't want to sound like an ungrateful bitch because I really do appreciate everything you have done for me.  I feel blessed that He has placed me on a path with you, and he has undoubtedly planted obstacles that we've had to overcome.  I'm just wondering if this is another test or are we close to the finishing of His game.  I remain hopeful for all good things.  

I'm not even going to call this a "problem", because its not.  Its a dot when placed in perspective.  But in saying that, that dot isn't just going to erase itself.  Its still going to remain well and truly present until one of us - namely me - gets over their shit and hashes it out.  I want to, I really do.  But you have no idea how silly, selfish and pathetic I feel even thinking about it.  Everyone else has reassured me that it is a legitimate issue but my gut feeling has been signalling me to steer clear of that discussion regardless.  Look, it could all come down to a matter of miscommunication, context, and other little excuses but we're obviously not going to know until I step up.  Maybe after exams.